Question #1: My company sent me out of town to meet a new client, and I forgot to have my hair cut before Shiva Asar B’Tamuz. May I have the bushier parts trimmed? Does it make a difference if I use a non-Jewish barber? May I shave?
Question #2: My son wrote me that in his yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel, the Sefardic bochurim shave during the Three Weeks. Is this permitted?
Question #3: Thank G-d, we will be celebrating the Bris of a Grandson during the Three Weeks, and I do not want to look disheveled for the Bris photos. May I shave in honor of the occasion?
Question #4: My wife says that her hair is sticking out beyond her tichel and she would like to trim it. May she?
The three-week period between Shiva Asar B’Tamuz and Tisha B’Av is observed by klal Yisroel as a time of mourning. These three weeks heralded the beginning of the tragedies that took place prior to the destruction of both Batei Hamikdash. Prior to the destruction of the First Beis Hamikdash, the daily korban tamid ceased on Shiva Asar B’Tamuz and did not resume until the Jews began constructing the Second Beis Hamikdash seventy years later (see Rambam, Hilchos Taanis 5:2). Before the destruction of the Second Beis Hamikdash, the walls of the city of Yerushalayim were breached on Shiva Asar B’Tamuz, leading to the complete devastation that followed (Gemara Taanis 28b).
To commemorate these tragic events, the minhag is to observe some mourning practices (aveilus) from the 17th day of Tamuz until Tisha B’Av (Rama, Darchei Moshe 551:5 and Hagahos 551:2; Ben Ish Chai, Parshas Devorim #4; Knesses Hagedolah; Sdei Chemed Vol. 5, pg. 279 #14). (According to most customs, some aveilus extends into the Tenth of Av.) This three-week season is referred to by the Midrash Rabbah (Eicha 1:3) as the period of Bein Hametzarim. (It is noteworthy that neither the Mishna nor the Gemara make any mention of beginning the mourning period any earlier than Rosh Chodesh.)
WHAT ARE THE LAWS ABOUT HAVING HAIRCUTS AND SHAVING DURING THE THREE WEEKS?
The Mishnah (Taanis 26b) rules that it is prohibited to cut one’s hair from the Motza’ei Shabbos preceding Tisha B’Av until Tisha B’Av. (As a general rule, the halachos of shaving and cutting one’s hair are usually the same.) These days are referred to as shavua shechal bo Tisha B’Av, the week in which Tisha B’Av falls. Thus, when Tisha B’Av falls on Sunday, one may cut one’s hair the entire period of the Three Weeks except for Tisha B’Av itself! However, the Rama notes that the custom among Ashkenazim is that we do not cut our hair during the entire Three Weeks (Darchei Moshe 551:5 and Hagahos 551:4).
There are different customs among Sefardim as to whether they get their hair cut during the Three Weeks. The Shulchan Aruch (551:3) only prohibits that which is recorded in the Gemara, cutting hair from Motza’ei Shabbos until Tisha B’Av, and this is the prevalent practice among Sefardim today in Eretz Yisroel (Shu’t Yechaveh Daas 4:36). Others shave and get hair cuts until Rosh Chodesh, but stop after that point.
However, other Sefardic communities follow the Ashkenazic practice not to shave or get haircuts the entire period of Bein Hametzarim (Ben Ish Chai, Parshas Devorim #12). (Incidentally, the Shulchan Aruch [551:4] also permits having one’s hair cut immediately after Tisha B’Av is over, and does not require waiting until the next day.)
SEFARDIM LIVING IN AN ASHKENAZI COMMUNITY
May a Sefardi living in an Ashkenazi community be lenient despite the prevalent custom?
This issue is discussed by contemporary authorities, involving the general halachic rule that a community should follow one established practice. This principle is referred to by the Gemara as “lo sisgodedu,” do not give the appearance that different Torah communities received different versions of the Torah, G-d forbid (Yevamos 14a, as explained by Rashi). This law prohibits a Jewish community from following two conflicting customs. Thus, it seems that an Ashkenazi living in a Sefardi community or vice versa must observe the prevailing custom.
However, contemporary poskim rule that Ashkenazim living in Sefardi communities may observe Ashkenazic custom and Sefardim living in Ashenazi communities may continue to follow Sefardic practice. Therefore, Sefardic bochurim studying in an Ashkenazic yeshiva are permitted to shave until Rosh Chodesh or during the entire Three Weeks, depending on their minhag. Even though most of the students in the yeshiva follow the Ashkenazic practice of not shaving during the entire Three Weeks, it does not violate minhag hamakom for the Sefardic bochurim to shave (Shu’t Yechaveh Daas 4:36).
WHY DOES THIS NOT VIOLATE LO SISGODEDU?
Even though there is a general rule that a community should follow one halachic practice, this is true when the community has one rav or follows the guidance of one beis din. However, when there are two different batei din in a community, each beis din is free to rule as it sees fit and does not need to change its decision to avoid lo sisgodadu. Thus, the prohibition of lo sisgodadu applies only when there are two different practices in one beis din.
Similarly, when it is well-known that there are different communities, each may observe its own well-established practice. Therefore, Ashkenazim and Sefardim following different minhagim is not a violation of lo sisgodadu. As a result, Sefardic bachurim may shave during the Three Weeks even if they study in an Ashkenazi Yeshiva, since it is understood that they are following a different psak.
There are several exceptions when Ashkenazim are permitted to shave or take a haircut during the Three Weeks. For example, it is permitted to trim one’s mustache if it interferes with eating (Ran; Shulchan Aruch 551:13). Some poskim rule that a person who usually shaves every day is permitted to shave during the Three Weeks in honor of Shabbos (Shu”t Chasam Sofer, Yoreh Deah #348 s.v. Ve-iy golach). Others permit someone to shave whose beard stubble makes him very uncomfortable (see Shearim Hametzuyanim B’Halacha 122:5). However, since these last two psakim are not usually accepted, one should not rely on them without receiving a psak from a rav.
Someone who is in aveilos is not permitted to shave or have his hair cut until the end of the Sheloshim (30 days), and someone in aveilos for a parent, for several months. If the aveilos ended during the Three Weeks, he is permitted to have his hair cut since he could not cut it before Shiva Asar Bi’Tamuz (Be’er Heiteiv 551:18). Most poskim permit this even during the Nine Days assuming his aveilos ended then (Bach; Taz; Mishnah Berurah 551:87; cf. however, Eliyah Rabbah).
SHAVING BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL LOSS
Rav Moshe Feinstein paskens that one may shave during the Three Weeks if one may lose one’s job or customers because one does not shave. However, if the only concern is that people will make fun of him, one is not permitted to shave. Rav Moshe Feinstein contends that since the prohibition not to shave the entire Three Weeks began as a minhag, the custom was only originally established when one will not suffer financially as a result. However, if he will only suffer embarrassment or harassment but no loss of income, he is required to remain unshaven (Shu’t Igros Moshe, Choshen Mishpat 1:93; Orach Chayim 4:102). Thus, someone who makes a business trip may shave since making a bad impression on the potential customer could cost him business. Certainly, one is not required to jeopardize his employment by avoiding shaving during the Three Weeks.
SHAVING FOR A SIMCHA
If a bris falls out during the Three Weeks, the father of the baby, the mohel, and the sandek who holds the baby during the bris are permitted to shave or take a haircut in honor of the festive occasion (Shu’t Chasam Sofer, Orach Chayim #158). According to some poskim, the kvatter, who brings the baby to the bris, and the sandek meumad (also called amida lebrochos), who holds the baby while he is being named, are also permitted to shave or take a haircut (Shearim Metzuyanim B’Halacha, Kuntrus Acharon 120:8, based on Eliyah Rabbah 551:27 and Beis Meir 551). Thus the grandfather who asked whether he may shave or cut his hair in honor of his grandson’s bris during the Three Weeks may do so if he receives the honor of being sandek. If he receives a different honor, he should ask a shaylah as to whether he may shave in honor of the occasion.
The poskim dispute whether the baalei simcha are permitted to shave even if the bris falls during the Nine Days or only if it falls before Rosh Chodesh. (The Chasam Sofer, Shu’t Noda B’Yehudah 1:28, Shaarei Tshuva, and Sdei Chemed 5:278:3 permit, whereas the Be’er Heiteiv 551:3 prohibits.)
Question: May someone who got married before the 17th of Tamuz shave during his Sheva Brachos week? May someone attending a Sheva Brachos shave in honor of the occasion?
The week after a couple gets married is considered a Yom Tov for them and they should wear Yom Tov clothes and eat Yom Tov–type meals. Similarly, they are not permitted to go to work. Part of the celebration is that they should look like two celebrants. Thus, it would seem that the choson may shave during his Sheva Brachos week.
However, for the participant in the Sheva Brachos it is not a Yom Tov, so he would not be permitted to shave for the occasion.
Some poskim hold that a bar mitzvah bochur who needs a haircut may get one during the Three Weeks, as long as it is not during the week of Tisha B’Av. Others contend that it is better if he gets the haircut the day before he turns bar mitzvah and rely on the opinion that a minor may get a haircut during the Three Weeks, as I will discuss (Shearim Metzuyanim B’Halacha, Kuntrus Acharon 120:8).
Although some poskim permit scheduling an upsheren (chalakah) during the Three Weeks if the child was born during the Three Weeks, the prevalent practice is to postpone the upsheren until after Tisha B’Av (Piskei Tshuvos 551:44; Chanoch Lanaar, Chapter 21, ftn. 1).
Adults may not give children haircuts during the week of Tisha B’Av (Shulchan Aruch 551:14). There is a dispute whether a minor may get a haircut during the Three Weeks, some poskim contending that children were not included in the custom not to cut hair (Mishnah Berurah 551:82, quoting Chayei Odom), whereas others rule that one may not cut a child’s hair just as one may not cut an adult’s (Eliyah Rabbah 551:28).
There are different opinions among poskim whether a woman may have her hair cut during the Three Weeks. The Mishnah Berurah rules that a woman may not have her hair cut during the week of Tisha B’Av, but he suggests that she may be permitted to trim the hair on her temples that stick out from the tichel (Mishnah Berurah 551:79). Many poskim rule that a woman may tweeze her eyebrows and perform similar cosmetic activities (see Shu’t Igros Moshe, Yoreh Deah 2:137; Halichos Beisah, Chapter 25, footnote 70; Piskei Teshuvos 551:43).
MAY I CLIP MY FINGERNAILS DURING THE THREE WEEKS?
It is permitted to clip one’s fingernails during the Three Weeks and the Nine Days according to all opinions. It is a dispute whether one can clip nails during the week of Tisha B’Av (Magen Avraham, 551:11 permits, whereas Taz 551:13 and Eliyah Rabbah 551:7 prohibit).
FOCUS OF THE THREE WEEKS
The most important aspect of the Three Weeks is to focus on the tremendous loss we suffer because of the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. The minhag among some Sefardic kehillos in Yerushalayim is to sit on the floor each day of the Three Weeks just after midday and to recite part of tikkun chatzos that mourns the loss of the Beis Hamikdash. To further convey this mood, Yesod V’Shoresh HaAvodah prohibits any laughing and small talk during these weeks just as a mourner does not engage in laughter or small talk (Shaar 9, Ch. 11-12).
Although we may not be holding at such a madreigah, we certainly should contemplate the tremendous loss in our spiritual lives without the Beis Hamikdash. Let us pray intently for the restoration of the Beis Hamikdash and the return of the Divine Presence to Yerushalayim, speedily in our days!