Tag: three weeks

Shaving and Haircuts during the Three Weeks

Question #1: Bushy presenter

“My company sent me out of town to meet a new client, and I forgot to have my hair cut before Shiva Asar BeTamuz. May I have the bushier parts trimmed? Does it make a difference if I use a non-Jewish barber? May I shave?”

Question #2: Mixed shavers

“My son wrote me that, in his yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel, the Sefardic bochurim shave during the Three Weeks. Is this permitted?”

Question #3: Celebrating a bris!!

“Thank G-d, we will be celebrating the bris of a grandson during the Three Weeks, and I do not want to look disheveled for the bris photos. May I shave in honor of the occasion?”

Question #4: Tichel tattling

“My hair is sticking out beyond my tichel. May I trim it?”

The three-week period between Shiva Asar BeTamuz and Tisha B’Av is observed by klal Yisroel as a time of mourning. These three weeks heralded the beginning of the tragedies that took place prior to the destruction of both Batei Hamikdash. Prior to the destruction of the First Beis Hamikdash, the daily korban tamid ceased on Shiva Asar BeTamuz and did not resume until the Jews began constructing the Second Beis Hamikdash seventy years later (see Rambam, Hilchos Taanis 5:2). Before the destruction of the Second Beis Hamikdash, the walls of the city of Yerushalayim were breached on Shiva Asar BeTamuz, leading to the complete devastation that followed (Taanis 28b).

To commemorate these tragic events, the custom is to observe some mourning practices (aveilus) from the 17th day of Tamuz until Tisha B’Av (Rama, Darchei Moshe, Orach Chayim 551:5 and Hagahos 551:2; Ben Ish Chai, Parshas Devorim #4; Knesses Hagedolah; Sdei Chemed Vol. 5, pg. 279 #14). This three-week season is referred to by the Midrash Rabbah (Eicha 1:3) as the period of Bein Hametzarim. (It is noteworthy that neither the Mishnah nor the Gemara makes any mention of beginning the mourning period any earlier than Rosh Chodesh.)

WHAT ARE THE LAWS ABOUT HAVING HAIRCUTS AND SHAVING DURING THE THREE WEEKS?

The Mishnah (Taanis 26b) rules that it is prohibited to cut one’s hair from the Motza’ei Shabbos preceding Tisha B’Av until Tisha B’Av. These days are referred to as shavua shechal bo Tisha B’Av, the week in which Tisha B’Av falls. This year, when Tisha B’Av falls on Sunday, there is no shavua shechal bo Tisha B’Av. However, the Rama notes that the custom among Ashkenazim is that we do not cut our hair during the entire Three Weeks (Darchei Moshe, Orach Chayim 551:5 and Hagahos 551:4). As a general rule, the halachos of shaving and cutting one’s hair are the same.

There are different customs among Sefardim as to whether they get their hair cut during the Three Weeks. The Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chayim 551:3) prohibits only that which is recorded in the Gemara, cutting hair from Motza’ei Shabbos until Tisha B’Av, and this is the prevalent practice among Sefardim today in Eretz Yisroel (Shu’t Yechaveh Daas 4:36), which means that there is no prohibition this year. Others shave and get haircuts until Rosh Chodesh, but stop after that point.

However, other Sefardic communities follow the Ashkenazic practice not to shave or get haircuts the entire period of Bein Hametzarim (Ben Ish Chai, Parshas Devorim #12). (Incidentally, the Shulchan Aruch [Orach Chayim 551:4] permits having one’s hair cut immediately after Tisha B’Av is over even when Tisha B’Av does not fall on Sunday, and does not require waiting until the next day.)

SEFARDIM LIVING IN AN ASHKENAZI COMMUNITY

May a Sefardi living in an Ashkenazi community be lenient, despite the prevalent custom?

This issue is discussed by contemporary authorities, involving the general halachic rule that a community should follow one established practice. This principle is referred to by the Gemara as “lo sisgodedu,” do not give the appearance that different Torah communities received different versions of the Torah, G-d forbid (Yevamos 14a, as explained by Rashi). This law prohibits a Jewish community from following two conflicting customs. Thus, it would seem that an Ashkenazi living in a Sefardic community or vice versa must observe the prevailing custom.

However, contemporary poskim rule that Ashkenazim living in Sefardic communities may observe Ashkenazic custom, and Sefardim living in Ashenazic communities may continue to follow Sefardic practice. Therefore, Sefardic bochurim studying in an Ashkenazic yeshiva are permitted to shave until Rosh Chodesh or during the entire Three Weeks, depending on their minhag. Even though most of the students in the yeshiva follow the Ashkenazic practice of not shaving during the entire Three Weeks, it does not violate minhag hamakom for the Sefardic bochurim to shave (Shu’t Yechaveh Daas 4:36).

WHY DOES THIS NOT VIOLATE LO SISGODEDU?

Even though there is a general rule that a community should follow one halachic practice, this is true when the community has one rav or follows the guidance of one beis din. However, when there are two different batei din in a community, each beis din is free to rule as it sees fit and does not need to change its decision to avoid lo sisgodedu. Thus, the prohibition of lo sisgodedu applies only when there are two different practices in one beis din.

Similarly, when it is well-known that there are different communities, each may observe its own well-established practice, even if they are in the same location. Therefore, Ashkenazim and Sefardim following different minhagim is not a violation of lo sisgodedu. As a result, Sefardic bachurim may shave during the Three Weeks, even if they study in an Ashkenazic yeshiva, since it is understood that they are following a different psak.

EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES

There are several situations in which Ashkenazim are permitted to shave or take a haircut during the Three Weeks. For example, it is permitted to trim one’s mustache, if it interferes with eating (Ran; Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 551:13). Some poskim rule that a person who usually shaves every day is permitted to shave during the Three Weeks in honor of Shabbos (Shu’t Chasam Sofer, Yoreh Deah #348 s.v. Ve’i golach). Others permit a person to shave if his beard stubble makes him very uncomfortable (see Shearim Ha’metzuyanim Behalachah 122:5). However, since these last two psakim are not usually accepted, one should not rely on them without receiving a psak from a rav.

Someone who is in aveilos is not permitted to shave or have his hair cut until the end of the Sheloshim (30 days), and someone in aveilos for a parent, for several months. If the aveilos ended during the Three Weeks, he is permitted to have his hair cut, since he could not cut it before Shiva Asar BeTamuz (Be’er Heiteiv 551:18). Most poskim permit this even during the Nine Days, assuming his aveilos ended then (Bach; Taz; Mishnah Berurah 551:87; cf. however, Elyah Rabbah).

SHAVING BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL LOSS

Rav Moshe Feinstein rules that one may shave during the Three Weeks if he may lose his job or customers because he does not shave. However, if the only concern is that people will make fun of him, he is not permitted to shave. Rav Moshe Feinstein contends that since the prohibition not to shave the entire Three Weeks began as a minhag, the custom was originally established only when one would not suffer financially as a result. However, if he would suffer only embarrassment or harassment, but no loss of income, he is required to remain unshaven (Shu’t Igros Moshe, Choshen Mishpat 1:93; Orach Chayim 4:102). Thus, someone who makes a business trip may shave, since making a bad impression on the potential customer could cost him business. Certainly, one is not required to jeopardize his employment by avoiding shaving during the Three Weeks.

SHAVING FOR A SIMCHA

If a bris occurs during the Three Weeks, the father of the baby, the mohel, and the sandek who holds the baby during the bris are permitted to shave or take a haircut in honor of the festive occasion (Shu’t Chasam Sofer, Orach Chayim #158). According to some poskim, the kvatter, who brings the baby to the bris, and the sandek meumad (also called amida lebrochos), who holds the baby while he is being named, are also permitted to shave or take a haircut (Shearim Ha’metzuyanim Behalachah, Kuntrus Acharon 120:8, based on Elyah Rabbah 551:27 and Beis Meir, Orach Chayim 551). Thus, the grandfather who asked whether he may shave or cut his hair in honor of his grandson’s bris during the Three Weeks may do so, if he receives the honor of being sandek. If he receives a different honor, he should ask a shaylah as to whether he may shave in honor of the occasion.

The poskim dispute whether the baalei simcha are permitted to shave even if the bris occurs during the Nine Days or only if it occurs before Rosh Chodesh. (The Chasam Sofer, Shu’t Noda Biyehudah 1:28, Shaarei Teshuvah, and Sdei Chemed 5:278:3 permit, whereas the Be’er Heiteiv 551:3 prohibits.)

CHOSON

Question: May someone who got married before the 17th of Tamuz shave during his Sheva Brachos week? May someone attending a Sheva Brachos shave in honor of the occasion?

The week after a couple gets married is considered a Yom Tov for them, and they should wear Yom Tov clothing and eat festivemeals. Similarly, they are not permitted to go to work. Part of the celebration is that they should look like two celebrants. Thus, it would seem that the choson may shave during his Sheva Brachos week.

However, for the participant in the Sheva Brachos it is not a Yom Tov, so he would not be permitted to shave for the occasion.

Some poskim hold that a bar mitzvah bochur who needs a haircut may get one during the Three Weeks, as long as it is not during the week of Tisha B’Av. Others contend that it is better if he gets the haircut the day before he turns bar mitzvah and rely on the opinion that a minor may get a haircut during the Three Weeks, as I will discuss shortly (Shearim Ha’metzuyanim Behalachah, Kuntrus Acharon 120:8).

UPSHEREN

Although some poskim permit scheduling an upsheren (chalakah) during the Three Weeks if the child was born during the Three Weeks, the prevalent practice is to postpone the upsheren until after Tisha B’Av (Piskei Teshuvos 551:44; Chanoch Lana’ar, Chapter 21, ftn. 1).

Adults may not give children haircuts during the week of Tisha B’Av (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 551:14). There is a dispute whether a minor may get a haircut during the Three Weeks, some poskim contending that children were not included in the custom not to cut hair (Mishnah Berurah 551:82, quoting Chayei Odom), whereas others rule that one may not cut a child’s hair, just as one may not cut an adult’s (Elyah Rabbah 551:28).

There are different opinions among the poskim whether a woman may have her hair cut during the Three Weeks. The Mishnah Berurah rules that a woman may not have her hair cut during the week of Tisha B’Av, but he suggests that she may be permitted to trim the hair on her temples that sticks out from the tichel (Mishnah Berurah 551:79). Many poskim rule that a woman may tweeze her eyebrows and perform similar cosmetic activities, even during the week of Tisha B’Av (Halichos Beisah, Chapter 25, footnote 70; Piskei Teshuvos 551:43; however, see Shu’t Igros Moshe, Yoreh Deah 2:137, who appears to be more stringent).

MAY I CLIP MY FINGERNAILS DURING THE THREE WEEKS?

It is permitted to clip one’s fingernails during the Three Weeks and the Nine Days according to all opinions. There is a dispute whether one may clip one’s nails during the week of Tisha B’Av (Magen Avraham, 551:11 permits, whereas Taz 551:13 and Elyah Rabbah 551:7 prohibit).

CONCLUSION

The prophet Yeshaya declared: “Exult with Yerushalayim and rejoice over her, all those who love her. Rejoice with her rejoicing all those who mourned over her,” (Yeshaya 66:10). “From here we see,” says the Gemara, “that whoever mourns over Yerushalayim will merit to see her happiness, and whoever does not mourn over Yerushalayim will not merit to see her happiness” (Taanis 30b).

May we all merit to experience the happiness of Yerushalayim very soon!

May I Attend a Wedding During the Three Weeks?

Question:

I live in a predominantly Ashkenazic community where the “Three Weeks” are observed with no music, and certainly no celebrations or weddings. A Sefardic family in the neighborhood has scheduled a wedding during the Three Weeks.

(A) May they do so? Should we stop them from breaking the community’s custom?

(B) May an Ashkenazi attend the wedding? May he/sheremain while music is playing orjoin the dancing?

Answer:

Before answering these questions, we must first understand the halachic and historical background to the observances of the period between the Seventeenth of Tamuz and Tisha B’Av, whichthe Midrash refers to as the period of Bein HaMetzarim, between the troubles (Midrash Rabbah, Eicha 1:3).

WHAT DID THE MISHNAH FORBID?

It is noteworthy that neither the Mishnah nor the Gemara requires any commemoration of mourning during the month of Tamuz. The earliest source to mention a mourning period, the Mishnah, requires mourning only from the beginning of the month of Av since “Mishenichnas Av mema’atim b’simcha,” “Once Av enters, we decrease our happiness” (Taanis 26b). This includes the Nine Days that begin on Rosh Chodesh Av and continuethrough Tisha B’Av. The Mishnah makesno mention of any observances before Rosh Chodesh.

Although the Mishnah does not clarify what practices are forbidden during the Nine Days, simply stating that “we decrease our happiness,”the Gemara (Yevamos 43a)lists several activities that are consequently forbidden, including refraining from conducting weddings (see the Ramban in Toras HaAdam, page 244 of the Mosad Rav Kook edition). However, this proscription against weddings during the time leading up to Tisha B’Av prohibits them only during the Nine Days.

WHO FORBADE MARRYING DURING THE THREE WEEKS?

If neither the Mishnah nor the Gemara prohibited marrying before Rosh Chodesh Av, why do we observe mourning from the Seventeenth of Av?

The Rama (Darchei Moshe 551:5 and Hagahos 551:2) notes that accepted Ashkenazic practice forbids marriage from the Seventeenth of Tamuz onwards. Since the Tur (Fourteenth Century) mentions no such custom, it seems that Ashkenazim adopted the custom some time after the Tur’s era, extending the proscription against weddings for the entire three weeks. Thus, whereas mourning during the “The Nine Days” is already mentioned by the Mishnah and has the status of a rabbinic injunction (takanas chachamim), the Three Weeks developed only about 1300 years later and is therefore categorized as minhag, custom. (Of course, we must observe minhagim of this nature; but we often find that they do not apply under extenuating circumstances.)

Why did custom extend the takanas chachamim and prohibit these activities on these additional days? After all, if our Sages felt that nine days of commemoration of the Churban is sufficient, why should minhag extend it to an entire three weeks?

I once heard an explanation that since earlier generations were much more cognizant of the loss of the Churban, a few days were a sufficient memorial for them. Today, however, we require a greater reminder to reinforce our consciousness of the Churban.

SEFARDIC PRACTICE

Although the Rama, a primary Ashkenazic source, mentions the three-week mourning period, the Shulchan Aruch, the main Sefardic source, makes no mention of extending mourning before Rosh Chodesh. It appears that in his day and place there was still no observance of “Three Weeks”but only of “Nine Days.” However, other Sefardic authorities mention that this practice spread to their communities (Keneses HaGedolah, Hagahos Tur end of 551; Ben Ish Chai, Parshas Devarim #4; Kaf HaChayim 551:33, 101), and by the Nineteenth Century, it appears that most Sefardic communities observed the entire Three Weeks period, certainly to the extent of prohibiting weddings. For example, the Ben Ish Chai assumed that weddings are not performed the entire Three Weeks, as did the Sedei Chemed.

CRIMEAN CUSTOM

Although most of us associate Crimea with the war by that name, one of the many waged between the Moslem Ottoman Turks and Orthodox Christian Czarist Russia, there was actually a thriving Jewish community there for hundreds of years. The Sedei Chemed records that when he became Rav of the Crimea (then a Sefardic community) he was requested to perform a wedding at the end of Tamuz. At first, he refusedto do so, stating that this violates accepted custom. He then researched the community records and discovered several instances when weddings were conducted at the end of Tamuz. Concluding that the custom not to marry before Rosh Chodesh had never reached the Crimea, he permitted the wedding and performed the ceremony himself (Vol. 5, pg. 279 #14).

THE CUSTOMS OF BAGHDAD

Apparently, some of these practices varied within the very same community. For example, the Ben Ish Chai, who was the Rav of Baghdad in the nineteenth century, records that Sefardim do not marry during the entire three-week period, although Rav Ovadyah Yosef quotes from Rav Solomon Chugi Avodi, the Chief Rabbi of Baghdad in the 1940’s, that in his day they conducted weddings there until Rosh Chodesh. Of course, this is strange: once it became Baghdadi custom to ban weddings for the entire Three Weeks, how could one subsequently permit them? Rav Ovadyah suggests that indeed the Ben Ish Chai, a very holy person, was more involved with his halachic and kabbalistic studies than in noting the community practices.

Rav Ovadyah contends that many Sefardic communities permit weddings until Rosh Chodesh Av, and that this was the accepted practice among Sefardim in Eretz Yisrael. Furthermore, he maintains that Sefardim from communities in the exile that prohibited weddings during the entire Three Weeks may follow the more lenient practice upon moving to Eretz Yisrael. This follows the general approach that upon relocating permanently one follows the accepted practices, including even the leniencies, of one’s new domicile (Shu”t Yabia Omer 6: Orach Chayim #43). He further notes that upon becoming the Chief Rabbi of Tel Aviv in 5729 (1969), he discovered that the Chief Rabbinate there had banned weddings for the entire Three Weeks period. He instructed the administrators that they could henceforth schedule weddings for members of the Sefardic community from the Seventeenth of Tamuz until the end of the month, in accordance with the accepted practice among Sefardic communities in Israel. Of course, Ashkenazic practice, both in Tel Aviv and everywhere else, remained to prohibit marriages during the entire three-week period.

SOMEONE NEVER MARRIED BEFORE

Although the Gemara prohibits marrying during the first nine days of Av, there is halachic discussion whether this injunction applies even to someone who does not yet have a son and a daughter, and has therefore not yet fulfilled the mitzvah of peru urvu, be fruitful and multiply. Indeed, many prominent authorities permit such a man to marry during this period.

WHERE DO WE SEE SUCH A DISTINCTION?

When drought strikes a community, its leadership should declare a series of fasts and other mourning customs as a spur to teshuvah (Taanis 10a-12b). Included in these enactments is to not perform weddings during this period. However, this rule does not extend to those who have not yet fulfilled the mitzvah of peru urvu. The regulations do not apply, if as a result, people will not perform a mitzvah.

The Beis Yosef (Orach Chayim 551) asks why this exception is mentioned only regarding marrying during a drought, but not in the context of marrying during the Nine Days. He suggests three possible explanations why even someone who has not yet fulfilled peru urvu should not marry during the Nine Days:

1. There are two reasons why people do not marry during the Nine Days:

(A) It is a mourning period.

(B) It is not a good omen to marry during the season that tragic events befell the Jewish people.

Because people want to marry during a time of good omen, they refrain from marrying during the Nine Days even where it is halachically permitted, such as when one has not yet fulfilled peru urvu.

2. The Nine Days, as a period of public bereavement, are more stringent than a period of drought, which is a period of teshuvah rather than mourning. Therefore, weddings are not conducted during the Nine Days, even if this results in people postponing the mitzvah of peru urvu.

3. Since the prohibition against marriage caused by a drought may extend for a long time, we do not want people to postpone their weddings that long. But it is not unreasonable to postponeweddings for nine days, the limit enacted by Chazal.

There is a halachic difference among these reasons. If the basis is only that it is not a good omen, then someone who is not concerned may schedule a wedding during these days.

The Shevus Yaakov (2:35) discusses whether someone who has not yet fulfilled peru urvu may marry during the Three Weeks, even according to Ashkenazic custom. He conjectures that this wedding be permitted based on the fact that a mourner who has not yet fulfilled mitzvas peru urvu may marry even during his thirty days of sheloshim. However, he concludes that the wedding must be postponed until after Tisha B’Av, ruling that a public mourning season is stricter than an individual’s private mourning.

One can rally sources from earlier authorities both in favor of and in opposition to the Shevus Yaakov’s conclusion. The Shulchan Aruch does not mention whether someone who has not yet fulfilled peru urvu may marry during the Nine Days, implying that such a person may not. On the other hand, the Rama (551:2) rules that, in general, the prohibitions of the Three Weeks and the Nine Days do not apply to someone who is fulfilling a mitzvah. Upon the basis of this Rama, the Chayei Adam (133:11) rules that someone who has not fulfilled peru urvu may indeed marry even during the Nine Days, although he notes that the custom is not to. The Kaf HaChayim (551:33, 101) cites this Chayei Adam, but disagrees with him, quoting other authorities who conclude that even someone who has not yet fulfilled peru urvu should not marry during the Nine Days. It is interesting that the Kaf HaChayim concludes that a childless Ashkenazi has more basis to be lenient and marry than a childless Sefardi, since the Rama permits one to override restrictions of the Bein HaMetzarim period in order to fulfill a mitzvah, whereas the Beis Yosef concludes otherwise!

Other Sefardic authorities rule that someone who has not yet fulfilled peru urvu may marry even during the Nine Days and certainly during the Three Weeks (Shu”t Yabia Omer). (It is noteworthy that some authorities permit music and dancing at a sheva berachos celebrated during the Three Weeks because of the same rationale: that performing a mitzvah supersedes the mourning of the season [see Kaf HaChayim 551:40].)

Nevertheless, established practice in our locales is not to marry during the entire Three Weeks period, even for someone who has not yet fulfilled the mitzvah of peru urvu. Does this mean that a Sefardi who follows the practice of marrying before Rosh Chodesh (or those who permit marriage for someone who has not fulfilled peru urvu) may not marry if he lives in a predominantly Ashkenazi community?

We can now refer back to our original question:

I live in a predominantly Ashkenazic community wherethe “Three Weeks” are observed with no music, and certainly no celebrations or weddings. A Sefardic family in the neighborhood has scheduled a wedding during the Three Weeks. May they do so? Should we stop them from breaking the community’s custom?

This takes us into a different area of halacha – must the entire community observe the same practice?

LO SISGODADU – DO NOT FORM DISPARATE GROUPS

Generally, a community is required to observe one practice so that it does not appear that Hashem’s chosen people are following two different versions of the Torah, G-d forbid (Yevamos 13b). Because of this law, the Rama requires that an entire community observes the mourning of the sefirah period during the same dates (Darchei Moshe 493:3). It would appear that this same prohibition applies during the Three Weeks. This would result in prohibiting someone who has a different halachic custom from marrying during the Three Weeks, even if he has not yet fulfilled peru urvu, if this practice conflicts with the prevailing custom.

However, several prominent authorities note that a community that has only one beis din or one rav must universally follow the same interpretation of halacha. Where there are many kehillos in a city, each with its own custom or halachic authority, each community may follow its own accepted practice or authority (Yevamos 14a). For this reason, there is no requirement that everyone in a large city follow the same custom for sefirah, unless it has been accepted that the community has one standard practice (Shu”t Igros Moshe, Orach Chayim 1:159).

Based on the same logic, it is usually accepted that Ashkenazim and Sefardim following different approaches is not a violation of lo sisgodadu. As a result, Rav Ovadyah Yosef permits Sefardic bachurim studying in an Ashkenazi Yeshiva to shave during the Three Weeks, since it is understood that they are following a different custom (Shu”t Yechaveh Daas 4:36). For the final ruling in your community, I defer to your local rav.

ATTENDING THE WEDDING

We may now address Question (B) that I asked at the beginning of this article: May an Ashkenazi attend the wedding of someone whose halachic authority permitted it? Assuming that one may attend, may one listen to music or dance at such a wedding, since music and dancing are generally prohibited during the Three Weeks (Magen Avraham 551:10; Elyah Rabbah 551:6)?

Authorities discuss whether one may attend and dance at a wedding during the period that one observes sefirah. Rav Moshe Feinstein and others permit attending such a wedding, including listening to music and dancing (Shu”t Igros Moshe 1:159). However, Rav Moshe rules that, when going to a wedding on a day that one keeps sefirah, he should not shave unless his unkempt appearance will disturb the simcha (Shu”t Igros Moshe, Orach Chayim 2:95). So perhaps we can compare his ruling to a similar situation during the Three Weeks. On the other hand, since there is a distinction between the intensity of the mourning of the Three Weeks and that of sefirah, I suggest that anyone faced with this question ask his own shaylah.

FOCUS OF THE THREE WEEKS

The most important aspect of the Three Weeks is to focus on the tremendous loss we suffer because of the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. In many kehillos, there is a minhag to sit on the floor each day of the Three Weeks just after midday and to recite part of Tikkun Chatzos that mourns the loss of the Beis Hamikdash. The Yesod VeShoresh HaAvodah even prohibits any laughing and small talk during these weeks, just as a mourner does not engage in laughter or small talk (Shaar 9, Ch. 11-12).

Although we may not be holding on such a madreigah, we should certainly contemplate the tremendous loss in our spiritual lives because we live without the Beis Hamikdash. Let us pray intensely for the restoration of the Beis Hamikdash and the return of the Divine Presence to Yerushalayim, speedily in our days!

The Three Weeks

Question #1: Nights

Is it permitted to schedule a wedding for the night of Shiva Asar BeTamuz?

Question #2: Going swimming?

I have not yet gone swimming this year. May I go during the Three Weeks?

Question #3:

May I schedule my son’s upsherin during the Three Weeks?

Introduction

This article will discuss the laws and customs associated with the Three Weeks. The Three Weeks is a significant period of mourning in the Jewish calendar, dedicated to commemorating the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash in Yerushalayim. Spanning from the 17th of Tamuz to Tisha B’Av, this solemn time serves as a reminder of the tremendous losses suffered by the Jewish people and allows for reflection on the spiritual significance of the Beis Hamikdash and what we are missing by its loss.

This season is referred to by the Midrash Rabbah (Eicha 1:3) as the period of Bein Hametzarim (see Eicha 1:3). In the pasuk, these words mean “in difficult times” or “in dire straits.” Referring to the season as Bein Hametzarim means that it is a difficult mourning period between the two days in which the Jewish people suffered many tragic events.

The Mishnah (Ta’anis 26 a-b) teaches that five tragic events occurred on the 17th day of Tamuz:

1.      The luchos (tablets) containing the Aseres Hadibros were destroyed.

2.      The daily korbanos offered in the First Beis Hamikdash were stopped (see Rambam, Hilchos Ta’anis 5:2).

3.      The walls of the city of Yerushalayim were breached, leading to the destruction of the Second Beis Hamikdash (Ta’anis 28b).

4.      The wicked Apostomus, a Greek officer, burned the Torah, during the period of the second Beis Hamikdash (see Talmud Yerushalmi and Tiferes Yisrael).

5.      An idol was placed inside the Beis Hamikdash. According to Rashi, this was done by the evil King Menashe. Others explain that this incident occurred during the Second Beis Hamikdash time period (Rambam, Hilchos Ta’anis 5:2). These two interpretations reflect two opinions recorded in the Talmud Yerushalmi.

It should be noted that neither the Mishnah nor the Gemara associates any mourning practices with the Bein Hametzarim period. The Mishnah (Ta’anis 26b) mentions only a mourning period beginning onRosh Chodesh Avby “decreasing simcha,” Mishenichnas Av mema’atim b’simcha; “Once Av enters, we decrease our happiness.” Although the Mishnah does not clarify what we must do to decrease our happiness, the Gemara (Yevamos 43a) lists four activities that are banned during these days:

1. We decrease our business activities.

2. We refrain from construction and planting intended for joyous reasons (Yerushalmi Taanis, cited by Tosafos to Yevamos 43a s.v. Milisa).

3. We do not conduct weddings.

4. We do not make a festive meal to celebrate an engagement. (Please note that this interpretation of the Gemara follows the Ramban in Toras Ha’adam and the Tur Orach Chayim 551, but is not the approach of Rashi ad loc.)

Thus, the Gemara prohibits conducting weddings during the period we call “The Nine Days,” but not during “The Three Weeks.” Refraining from making weddings during the Three Weeks developed among Ashkenazic communities, which started the period of mourning from the 17th of Tamuz (Darkei Moshe, Orach Chayim 551:5 and the Rema to Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 551:2). This practice has also been accepted by many Sefardic communities. However, some Sefardic communities permit weddings until Rosh Chodesh Av, and even later, under certain circumstances (Shu’t Yabia Omer 6: Orach Chayim #43).

Notwithstanding the accepted Ashkenazic custom, the Shevus Yaakov, a highly respected European, early eighteenth-century authority, suggests that someone who has not yet fulfilled the mitzvah of peru urvu may marry during the Three Weeks. He compares it to a mourner who, even during the sheloshim mourning period, may marry if he has not yet fulfilled peru urvu.

Following the ruling of the Shevus Yaakov, the Chayei Adam (133:11) rules that someone who has not fulfilled peru urvu may indeed marry, even during the Nine Days, although he notes that the custom is not to. The Kaf Hachayim (551:33, 101) disagrees with the Chayei Adam, citing authorities who prohibit even someone who has not yet fulfilled peru urvu from getting married during the Nine Days. It is interesting that the Kaf Hachayim concludes that a childless Ashkenazi has more basis to be lenient and marry than a childless Sefardi, since the Rema permits one to override restrictions of the Bein Hametzarim period in order to fulfill a mitzvah, whereas the Beis Yosef concludes otherwise!

The Evening of the 17th

Regarding weddings on the evening of the 17th of Tamuz, many poskim recommend having the chupah before sunset of the 16th of Tamuz to avoid the restrictions associated with the actual day of the 17th (Piskei Teshuvos 551:7 footnote 51). This is because many authorities treat the night of the 17th with the stringencies of the Nine Days (Elyah Rabbah; Shu’t Chayim Sha’al #24; Biur Halacha 551:2). Similarly, when the 17th of Tamuz falls on Sunday, most poskim prohibit making a wedding on the night of the 17th (Motza’ei Shabbos). However, under extenuating circumstances, Rav Moshe Feinstein permits scheduling a wedding on the Motza’ei Shabbos of the 17th of Tamuz (Shu’t Igros Moshe, Orach Chayim 1:168).

Ashkenazic custom did not ban celebrating engagements during the Three Weeks, but the Magen Avraham rules that there should be no music or dancing (Magen Avraham 551:10). Until Rosh Chodesh, it is allowed to celebrate the engagement with a festive meal, while from Rosh Chodesh onward, it should include only light refreshments (Magen Avraham 551:10; Mishnah Berurah 551:19).

Most forms of dancing are prohibited during the Three Weeks, although there are authorities who permit dancing at a sheva brachos (Magen Avraham 551:10; Elyah Rabbah 551:6; Mishnah Berurah 551:16).

Listening to or playing music is generally prohibited during the Three Weeks (Shu’t Igros Moshe, Orach Chayim Vol. 4:21:4; Shu’t Tzitz Eliezer 15:33). However, it is permitted to play music for non-Jews or to teach music for a livelihood (Biur Halacha to 551:2). Some poskim permit taking music lessons that one intends to use for one’s livelihood, provided there will be a loss of skill if one refrains from lessons (Shu’t Tzitz Eliezer 16:19). This would include music practice for a professional musician or group that needs to keep its skills sharp or is preparing for a concert. Nevertheless, the Kaf Hachayim (Orach Chayim 551:41) suggests teaching that a music teacher should teach sad songs, or, even better, avoid teaching music altogether during this time.

Sefardim and the Three Weeks

The Shulchan Aruch, the main Sefardic source, makes no mention of extending mourning before Rosh Chodesh. It appears that in his day and place, there was still no observance of “Three Weeks,”but only of “Nine Days.” However, other Sefardic authorities mention that this practice spread to their communities (Keneses Ha’gedolah, Hagahos Tur end of 551; Ben Ish Chai, Parshas Devarim #4; Kaf Hachayim 551:33, 101). By the nineteenth century, it appears that most Sefardic communities observed the entire Three Weeks period, certainly to the extent of prohibiting weddings. For example, the Ben Ish Chai assumed that weddings are not performed the entire Three Weeks, as did the Sedei Chemed.

Frummer

If the Mishnah and Gemara permit all these activities, why did Ashkenazim create prohibitions that were stricter than those observed at the time of the Gemara?

The reason is that in the times of Chazal, the memories of the Beis Hamikdash were still very fresh in people’s minds, anda shorter period of mourning was a sufficient reminder of the churban. But now, after being in an extended period of golus, we require a longer period of mourning to arouse our feelings and mourn properly for the Beis Hamikdash.

Some commentaries point out that the public mourning follows the exact opposite procedure of private mourning. Whereas private mourning moves from the more intense mourning periods to less intense, the public mourning begins with the Three Weeks, then to the Nine Days, then to the week in which Tisha B’Av occurs, then to Erev Tisha B’Av, and finally the intense mourning of Tisha B’Av itself. By gradually increasing the intensity of the mourning, we should be able to reach the appropriate sense of loss on the day of Tisha B’Av.

Reciting Shehecheyanu during the Three Weeks

Regarding the recitation of the Shehecheyanu blessing during the Three Weeks, there are three opinions among the poskim.

1. The Arizal holds that Shehecheyanu should not be recited at all during this period, not even on Shabbos. The Ari’s reason for not reciting Shehecheyanu during the Three Weeks is not due to mourning, but rather because it is deemed inappropriate to recite a blessing expressing gratitude for being rejuvenated at a time that is considered highly inauspicious. This reasoning extends to Shabbos as well (Magen Avraham; Shu’t Chayim Sha’al #24).

2. The Sefer Chassidim takes a middle stance, stating that Shehecheyanu should not be recited on weekdays but may be recited on Shabbos. The rationale behind this position is that laws of mourning do not apply on Shabbos, so Shehecheyanu may be recited. Some suggest an alternative approach, stating that it is a mitzvah to derive joy from the world and recite Shehecheyanu. This mitzvah takes precedence over the concern about reciting the blessing during the Three Weeks, but it is advisable to postpone it to Shabbos (Mekor Chessed commentary to Sefer Chassidim #840, based on a passage of Talmud Yerushalmi at the end of Kiddushin).

3. The Taz and the Gra maintain that Shehecheyanu may be recited even on weekdays (Orach Chayim 551:17). The Gra disagrees with the reason attributed to the Ari and maintains that there is no halachic prohibition on a mourner to recite Shehecheyanu, and therefore no reason why we should not recite the berocha during the Three Weeks.

According to all opinions, one recites a Shehecheyanu when performing the mitzvos of pidyon haben or bris milah (for those who recite a Shehecheyanu at a bris).

Most halachic authorities follow the middle opinion, permitting the recitation of Shehecheyanu on Shabbos but not on weekdays (Magen Avraham, Elyah Rabbah, Chayei Adam, Mishnah Berurah). The Rema (Orach Chayim 551:2) permits reciting a Shehecheyanu on a new fruit that will not be available after Tisha B’Av. Mishnah Berurah (551:99) permits a pregnant woman or an ill person to eat a new fruit, without reciting the Shehecheyanu. It is permitted to purchase clothes that do not require a Shehecheyanu. However, this should not be done during the Nine Days.

Shehecheyanu on the night of the 17th?

Most poskim hold that one should not recite Shehecheyanu on the night of the 17th  (Shu’t Chayim Sha’al #24; Sedei Chemed Volume 5, pg. 277; Biur Halacha 551:2). However, Rav Moshe Feinstein contends that the mourning period does not start until the morning of the 17th, implying that one may recite a Shehecheyanu at night (Shu’t Igros Moshe, Orach Chayim 1:168).

Children and Shehecheyanu

The involvement of children in the observance of the Three Weeks raises additional considerations regarding the recitation of Shehecheyanu. The question arises as to whether children, depending on their age and understanding of mourning practices, may recite Shehecheyanu during this period. If a child is old enough to appreciate the significance of aveilus (mourning), it is advisable to train him not to say Shehecheyanu during the Three Weeks. However, if a child is too young to comprehend the mourning practices, but is capable of reciting the blessing, some authorities permit him to say Shehecheyanu (Birkei Yosef, Orach Chayim 551:9).

Purchasing new items during the Three Weeks

It is questionable whether one may acquire new items, such as cars or appliances, during the Three Weeks. Rav Moshe Feinstein rules that if the purchase is for pleasure or convenience, one should wait until after the Three Weeks to buy the item. However, if the acquisition is necessary for one’s livelihood, the purchase is permissible during the Three Weeks. In such cases, it is preferable to delay reciting Shehecheyanu until after the Three Weeks (Shu’t Igros Moshe, Orach Chayim 3:80). Additionally, some poskim allow for the purchase of necessary appliances, such as refrigerators or washing machines, to replace items that broke during the Three Weeks (Piskei Teshuvos 551:11).

Other halachos of the Three Weeks

In addition to the specific guidelines mentioned above, there are various other halachic practices observed during the Three Weeks. Engaging in dangerous activities should be avoided, and elective surgeries are often postponed until after Tisha B’Av (see Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 551:18; Piskei Teshuvos 551:1). Some individuals refrain from participating in entertaining activities, such as hikes or trips to the beach, during the Three Weeks (Sedei Chemed, Vol. 5, pg. 376:10).

Going to the beach and swimming are permitted between the 17th of Tamuz and Rosh Chodesh Av, even if it is the first time that one is going during this season, notwithstanding a common misconception to the contrary (Rav Moishe Shternbuch in Teshuvos Vehanhagos 2:263). Rav Shternbuch contends that the practice of refraining from swimming for the first time during the Three Weeks lacks a halachic basis and is not a binding custom. It is therefore permitted, without requiring hataras nedarim (nullification of vows).

Haircutting

During the Three Weeks, Ashkenazim have the custom not to shave or have a haircut (Darkei Moshe, Orach Chayim 551:5 and Rema, Orach Chayim 551:4). There are exceptions to this ruling, such as trimming one’s mustache, if it interferes with eating (Ran; Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim 551:13). Additionally, individuals who shave every day may be permitted to shave on Fridays, during the Three Weeks, in honor of Shabbos, according to the ruling of Shu’t Chasam Sofer (Yoreh Deah #348 s.v. Ve’i golach). However, these exceptions are subject to controversy, and one should consult a rabbinic authority for guidance.

On the occasion of a bris during the Three Weeks, the father of the baby, the mohel, and the sandek are permitted to shave or have a haircut. (Shu’t Chasam Sofer, Orach Chayim #158). Some authorities also permit the kvatter and the sandek me’umad (also known as “amidah lebrachos“) to shave and have a haircut (She’arim Hametzuyanim Bahalacha, Kuntrus Acharon 120:8), but most poskim restrict this permission to the mohel, the sandek, and the father of the baby.

While some poskim permit scheduling an upsheren (also called a chalakeh)during the Three Weeks, if it coincides with the child’s birthday, the prevailing practice is to postpone it until after Tisha B’Av (Piskei Teshuvos 551:44). Similarly, there is a discussion among recent poskim regarding a bar mitzvah boy who needs a haircut during the Three Weeks. Some suggest that it may be permissible for him to have a haircut before his bar mitzvah, relying on the opinion that minors may have a haircut during this period (She’arim Hametzuyanim Bahalacha, Kuntrus Acharon 120:8).

The question of whether a woman may have her hair cut during the Three Weeks is subject to debate among halachic authorities. Many poskim rule that a woman may tweeze her eyebrows and engage in similar cosmetic activities, even during the week of Tisha B’Av (Shu’t Igros Moshe, Yoreh Deah 2:137; Halichos Beisah, Chapter 25, footnote 70).

Clipping fingernails is permitted during the Three Weeks, according to all opinions.

Conclusion

The Three Weeks is a period of introspection and mourning, allowing individuals to reflect on the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash and its significance in Jewish history. Some tzaddikim make a point of reciting tikkun chatzos, wherein we mourn the galus of the Shechina, every night. The most important aspect of the Three Weeks is to focus on the tremendous loss we continue to suffer because of the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. The prophet Yeshaya declared: “Exult with Yerushalayim and rejoice over her, all those who love her. Rejoice with her, rejoicing, all those who mourned over her” (Yeshayahu 66:10). “From here we see,” says the Gemara, “that whoever mourns over Yerushalayim will merit to see her happiness, and whoever does not mourn over Yerushalayim will not merit to see her happiness” (Taanis 30b).

image_print